"It looks like he was bitten while inside a Hot Topic."

Sooo... apparently? Someone has written a thing. A thing that should never, ever have been written. A thing even fail-ier and more stupid than Twilight. It's not a teen vampire romance, or a teen werewolf romance, or even a teen mummy romance. No. It is a teen zombie romance, because apparently this is a thing. And as though a book on this subject were not bad enough? Someone? Has made it into a movie.

I swear I am not making this up.

See? There's an article on it and everything.

WRITTEN BY VINCE MANCINI
01.11.12

God dammit. For the last time, people, zombies are not timely metaphors. They’re not symbols of consumer culture, or overpopulation, or the war on terror, and they sure as hell aren’t the perfect jumping off point for a teen romance. They’re big sacks of movie meat that you can explode without pondering motive or remorse, like Nazis. ZOMBIES ARE TO BE EXPLODED.

And the book description?

R is a young man with an existential crisis—he is a zombie. He shuffles through an America destroyed by war, social collapse, and the mindless hunger of his undead comrades, but he craves something more than blood and brains. He can speak just a few grunted syllables, but his inner life is deep, full of wonder and longing. He has no memories, no identity, and no pulse, but he has dreams.
After experiencing a teenage boy’s memories while consuming his brain, R makes an unexpected choice that begins a tense, awkward, and stragely sweet relationship with the victim’s human girlfriend. Julie is a blast of color in the otherwise dreary and gray landscape that surrounds R. His decision to protect her will transform not only R, but his fellow Dead, and perhaps their whole lifeless world.

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BRB, LOLing forever.

Favorite comment on the above post: "Breaking Dawn of the Dead. Please call it that."