elbales: (BadCat)
So on Saturday, Hardi went to hang with our gaming group, and I stayed home because — not that I've mentioned it in any of my online spaces — I'm still hoarse and coughing from a cold that I came down with on the 11th. (People, it is the 20th. Colds suck.) I was home by myself, and I seized the chance to do things that I wanted to do: one episode of Sense8, some kitchen puttering, some trying on and winnowing of clothing, and even hemming up a pair of trousers. By the time Hardi got home around 6, I had two chicken breasts poaching with some veg and lots of herbs and was quick-soaking some beans. So, you know, it was a pretty damn awesome day. I like puttering, and I like decluttering my closet and cupboards, and it's always nice having a kitchen that's better organized and tidier.

Anyway, one of the things that turned up in the shuffle was Hardi's ancient Thermos. I think he already had it when we got married, or maybe he bought it soon after (there might have been a Thermos I dropped? Maybe?), and it's been sitting forgotten on top of a cupboard since we moved to this apartment more than 10 years ago. Dismaying! The outside was super filthy and I didn't want to store it dirty because gross. I tried getting it open, but it was stuck, so I shrugged and set it by the sink for cleaning later.

Later came this evening, after Hardi made himself a big batch of stroganoff to take for lunches this week. (People, I cleaned the heck out of that kitchen. The cutting board, which whiffs strongly of garlic, got a vinegar wipe and is now sitting covered in coarse sea salt until tomorrow, when I will procure a lemon and use it as a scrubber.) The Thermos was last.

Still wearing my rubber gloves, I took it into his room and asked, "Could you please open this?" It took a bit — it was really stuck — but he got the lid, which is one of those old-school detachable cups, to come loose. He handed it to me, and I caught a whiff of something. "Ghost of chocolate past?" I said, and watched as he started turning the stopper.

There was a hiss of escaping... something... and my eyes got big. Hardi's eyebrow did the Spock thing. We stared at each other for a sec before he set to again. He got it open and turned it to the lamp.

"Yep," he said. "Chocolate." And he loosely set the stopper on the jug and handed it back to to me.

"What an amazing new smell you've discovered," I said as I turned to go back to the kitchen.

(I cleaned the heck out of that Thermos, too. There was some soaking first, you betcha. Gah.)
elbales: (ROFL seal)
Customer Reviews
Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray

306 of 308 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Accept no substitutes when casually repressing students
November 21, 2011
By D-bag of Liberty - See all my reviews

Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done! The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology's superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn't stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression.

When I feel threatened by students, no matter how unarmed, peaceful and seated they may be, I know that Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has got my back as I casually spray away at point blank range.

It really is the Cadillac of citizen repression technology.

Buy a whole case!

BRB, lol'ing forever
elbales: (Happy cat)
Irene: @ElBloombito mimics Michael Bloomberg Spanish

A Twitter feed set up by one New Yorker has become a surprise hit by caricaturing New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg's efforts to speak Spanish.

Go have a giggle. No Spanish skills actually needed.
elbales: (ROFL seal)

That is all.
elbales: (ROFL seal)
And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.

This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy towels because I "just bought new towels". Then I pointed out that the last towels I’d bought were hot pink beach towels, and he was all “EXACTLY” and then I hit my head against the wall for an hour.

Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, "You are not allowed to bring any more goddam towels in this house or I will strangle you". And that was exactly what I was still echoing through my head an hour later, when Laura and I stopped our shopping carts and stared up in confused, silent awe at a display of enormous metal chickens, made from rusted oil drums.

I bet you can guess where this is going.
elbales: (ROFL seal)
Jon Stewart Introduces Cribs About Poor Wisconsin Teachers

Friday, March 11, 2011, by Sarah Firshein

On last night's episode of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart addressed the Wisconsin school-system crisis by shedding light on "the real villains, the teachers, who so cavalierly drain Wisconsin and America dry." How, you ask? By spending their lazily earned $51K a year on "lavish benefits." Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee investigates in the first-ever episode of Cribs: Teacher Edition, visiting the homes of two Wisconsin public school teachers. The nerve of these people! They have a top sheet and a bottom sheet! Jewelry that costs $20!

I don't know how long this video will be available; usually Daily Show videos cycle off the site pretty regularly. Get in there and watch it; it's completely win.

elbales: (ROFL seal)
"I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it."
elbales: (Keyboard of LOLZ)
"I like kids. I just can’t finish a whole one."
elbales: (Facepalm - Holy Grail)
From The Washington Post:
Palin invents word 'refudiate,' compares herself to Shakespeare

By Matt DeLong

The Twittersphere erupted Sunday when former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin tweeted that "peaceful Muslims" should "refudiate" the mosque being built in New York City near where the Twin Towers once stood. Palin found herself the butt of many tweets, as refudiate, of course, is not a word in the English language.

She later deleted the tweet and posted a new one with refudiate changed to refute, which is... also wrong in this context.

My favorite comment: "Oh that her too, too solid flesh would melt." Win!
elbales: (ROFL seal)
No, seriously. Don't. I don't want to know what he'll do.

elbales: (ROFL seal)

My favorite is definitely "Gay bridal registry." ♥
elbales: (RAF!Captain Jack)

As my friend Jean said, O SNAP.
elbales: (ROFL seal)


*wipes tears*
elbales: (ROFL seal)
(Not entirely SFW.)


Get your own business cards made of MEAT AND LASERS

We have exactly fifteen alpha-tester slots. If you would like to be a MEATCARDS alpha tester, we are issuing a MEATCARD CHALLENGE to you: recreate any one of the three Frank Frazetta paintings below. The first fifteen non-halfass photos received each win the submitter an alpha test slot.

I literally have not laughed this hard in months.

(Winner #3 is my favorite. The Master Chief as a stand-in for a babe in a string bikini bottom, yay!)
elbales: (ROFL seal)
Funniest thing in a long time (Hannity related)

You know, it might not be the most profound diary ever, but... I've been laughing my ass off about this for a few hours now, and so... I just had to share.

I died and then got up again to laugh some more. Pure win.
elbales: (Keyboard of LOLZ)
Who's on top?

The Dean
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

elbales: (Keyboard of LOLZ)
Yet another bit of paper I can now recycle.

Annals of legal etiquette

wand@ccs.neu.edu (Mitchell Wand)
College of Computer Science, Northeastern University

My wife received a copy of the following at her law firm. It purports to be true. For those of you who don't know, a "deposition" is a transcript of pre-trial testimony. These transcripts tend to be thick documents.

To: all attorneys
Subject: Depositions and Their Use
A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although the use of a deposition of a party opponent "for any purpose" is also in the federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this exchange:

The Court: Next witness.

Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition.

The Court: You mean read it?

Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition "for any purpose" and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.

The Court: Well, it does say that.


The Court: There being no objection, you may proceed.

Ms. Olschner: Thank you, Judge Hanes.

(Whereupon Ms. Olschner swatted Mr. Buck in the head with a deposition.)

Mr. Buck: But Judge...

The Court: Next witness.

Mr. Buck: We object.

The Court: Sustained. Next witness.

End transcript.

Who knows if it's really true? Who cares? Heeeee.


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