elbales: (I can kill you with my brain)
So I forgot to write about this on Monday when it happened, but wow! My spine emerged big time. Let me preface this by saying that I like other people's well-mannered dogs, and I really like dog owners who train and clean up after their animals. The bond between humans and dogs is a beautiful thing and brings a lot of joy to a lot of people, and I highly believe that anyone who wants a dog and can take care of it should have the chance for that kind of happiness. Okay? Okay.

I was on my way into the department office for a meeting taking place at the site we share with a preschool/family program. There are fences everywhere because those little four-year-olds will take off a like a rocket and go play in traffic at the least chance.

So I parked my car in the lot, and I headed toward the school, and on my way I walked within maybe five or six feet a woman with a large dog (properly restrained on a leash). Which barked at me, and I was like, Way to socialize your dog, lady, nice work. But I wrote it off, and then as I went through the gate and turned around I saw my coworker M behind me. We waved; she ended up within ten feet of the lady with the dog, too, which barked at her. M came up to me a bit shaken, because it turns out she was once chased a long way by a very large dog while she was out jogging, and ever since then she has been afraid of dogs. So what lovely thing do you think happened next?

M came through the gate, which I then noticed had a large sign of recent vintage reading ALL DOGS MUST BE ON A LEASH (PALO ALTO MUNICIPAL CODE BLAHBLAHBLAH), and I thought, Huh, what's up with that, but it's a good idea.

And then I shut the gate, and suddenly what comes charging up to us? A dog. Not on a leash. It was just a pug, but whatever, it wasn't wagging or play-bowing so I had no idea of its intentions. And I looked up to see its owner and channeled Robin McKinley and bellowed, "CALL YOUR DOG." And the guy, looking gobsmacked, gave a half-hearted call. Fortunately the dog turned around, and suddenly I found myself yelling, and I mean yelling: "WE HAVE A LEASH LAW IN PALO ALTO, GET THAT DOG ON A LEASH BEFORE I CALL THE COPS."

M looked at me like I was something amazing. (What was going through my own head, though, was, Holy crap, where did that come from?) And then M started telling me about the chased-by-a-dog (into poison oak, BTW) story, and we commiserated about the idiocy of people who don't train and control their pets, and when I looked around the pug was on a leash.

Apparently they've had a bunch of assholes in Palo Alto decide that the children's playing field is a dog park. An off-leash dog park.

Yeah, thanks for the crap on the lawn all those preschoolers play on, ASSHOLES.
elbales: (Grumpy Zoe - Sluggy Freelance)
Dear American packaged food industry:

Fuck you sideways with a rusty chainsaw that every goddamn thing you make is somehow unhealthy. Fuck you for dumping sugar and HFCS and GM soy and wheat products into every. Fucking. Thing. Fuck you for helping make healthful eating into a laborious, inconvenient slog in which people can walk into a grocery store and literally be unable to eat ANYTHING IN THE STORE except for the pathetically tiny selection of organic produce. Fuck you for quite literally sitting in meeting rooms for the past 40 or 50 years and purposefully plotting HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE FAT so that your execs and stockholders can make ungodly amounts of money (and helping your buddies in Big Pharma make ungodly amounts of money on medications for the illnesses brought on by YOUR FUCKING PRODUCTS).

Die in a fucking FIRE.

With piss, vinegar, and bile,
Not your friend,
E
elbales: (Can of wup-ass)
So that comment thing where you are forcing me to browse my user icons instead of giving me a nice efficient drop-down menu?

FAIL.



Stupid assholes.
 
elbales: (Fantastically stupid!Ten)



I cannot stop laughing, y'all. I'm in pain. The first ten seconds of this literally had me doubled over and smacking my desk. COMEDY GOLD.
 
elbales: (Facepalm - Holy Grail)
From The Washington Post:
Palin invents word 'refudiate,' compares herself to Shakespeare

By Matt DeLong

The Twittersphere erupted Sunday when former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin tweeted that "peaceful Muslims" should "refudiate" the mosque being built in New York City near where the Twin Towers once stood. Palin found herself the butt of many tweets, as refudiate, of course, is not a word in the English language.


She later deleted the tweet and posted a new one with refudiate changed to refute, which is... also wrong in this context.

My favorite comment: "Oh that her too, too solid flesh would melt." Win!
 
elbales: (Bad Wolf!Rose)
So this evening I watched a couple of episodes of the TV series Lie to Me, which is about a research group that consults with third parties on figuring out the truth using applied psychology to interpret microexpressions, body language, and other types of facial coding. Overall it seems fairly well done: interesting premise, fairly intelligent writing, yada yada.

But. )
 
elbales: (Can't be serious!Rimmer)
BP boss admits job on the line over Gulf oil spill

Tony Hayward, the beleaguered chief executive of BP, has claimed its oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is "relatively tiny" compared with the "very big ocean".

In an bullish interview with the Guardian at BP's crisis centre in Houston, Hayward insisted that the leaked oil and the estimated 400,000 gallons of dispersant that BP has pumped into the sea to try to tackle the slick should be put in context.

"The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume," he said.


Tony?

Shut up.

No, really. For the love of God, SHUT UP. Moron.

I won't be buying BP gas in the future. In fact, I think I'll write them a love letter to let them know that. I've been mulling it over since the spill; after all, Exxon and Chevron are worse in a lot of ways. (Valdez, anyone? How about that wonderful East Bay air?) But the way that BP is actively trying to weasel out of responsibility, and the way that they and Transocean are playing the blame game, has pretty much put it over the line.
 
elbales: (Can of wup-ass)
A crew of boys went by a bit ago, bellowing the ways boys will, and one of them screamed, just as they passed my room, "SHUT UP, DOWN'S SCHOOL IS MEETING." (Or something to that effect.)

I told my students that nothing inspires me to go postal faster than people messing with my students in any way, including by insulting them.

Yeah, they're just stupid ignorant boys who think anything different is bad and threatening and who probably cannot possibly conceive of coming to school just because you want to. Don't care. They still suck. And I would still throw someone out of my class if he made hateful ignorant comments about developmentally disabled people, even if it's "only" to suggest that Down's is in some way "bad."
 
elbales: (BAAL SMASH)
Court eases business, union election spending rule

By MARK SHERMAN, Associated Press Writer

Thursday, January 21, 2010
WASHINGTON, (AP)

The Supreme Court threw out a 63-year-old law designed to restrain the influence of big business and unions on elections Thursday, ruling that corporations may spend as freely as they like to support or oppose candidates for president and Congress. The decision could drastically alter who gives and gets hundreds of millions of dollars in this year's crucial midterm elections.

By a 5-4 vote, the court overturned two of its own decisions as well as the decades-old law that said companies and labor unions can be prohibited from using money from their general treasuries to produce and run their own campaign ads. The decision threatens similar limits imposed by 24 states.


As I just wrote in my Facebook, WHAT. WHAT. WHAT THE EVER-LIVING SHIT.

Congratulations, five conservative justices. You just gave nonliving entities which have huge checking accounts and which also already have a disproportionate influence on the governance of this country... even MORE influence. You just handed the Congress to the likes of AIG and Exxon/Mobil. I hope you're fucking proud of yourselves, you smug pieces of shit.

I wish I could go back in time to slap silly the moronic judges who declared that corporations should have the same rights as individuals.


ETA: And in fact, I am so furious about this that I left a comment at the White House website. No, Obama can't and shouldn't interfere with SCOTUS, but I had to register my opinion somewhere, and where better than at the top?
 
elbales: (Fantastically stupid!Ten)
Beck DESTROYED after efforts to get rid of site parodying him.

by The Erratic Synapse
Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 08:24:43 AM PDT

I'm sure people have seen the parody site about how Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 by now. What you may not know though is that Beck filed a complaint before an international body, the World Intellectual Property Organization (WIPO), regarding the site's content.

The attorney for the parody site, Marc Randazza, has a great response that will be detailed over the fold....


The first ground in the complaint says basically that the domain name for the parody site—glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com—is "confusing [sic] similar to complainents' "Glenn Beck" trademark as it incorporates the "Glenn Beck" name and mark entirely."

Uh. Yeah. The same way "youaregettingsleepyverysleepyyouwanttogiveelbalesmoney" incorporates my username.

The respondent's attorney's reply?

There is no indication that the Respondent has intentionally attempted to confuse anyone searching for Mr. Beck’s own website, nor that anyone was unintentionally confused – even initially. Only an abject imbecile could believe that the domain name would have any connection to the Complainant.

We are not here because the domain name could cause confusion. We do not have a declaration from the president of the international association of imbeciles that his members are blankly staring at the Respondent’s website wondering "where did all the race baiting content go?" We are here because Mr. Beck wants Respondent’s website shut down. He wants it shut down because Respondent’s website makes a poignant and accurate satirical critique of Mr. Beck by parodying Beck’s very rhetorical style.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF IMBECILES

brb, lolling forever
 
elbales: (Shut up already.)
The embedding tool for this CNN news video doesn't work (oh yay, Turner Broadcasting, WHATEVER), but the upshot is that the minister of a Baptist church in Arizona says right on camera that he prays for Obama to get brain cancer and die.

Quality human, oh yeah.

Even better? The dude who showed up at the Obama town hall later that weekend in Phoenix, toting an assault rifle? Was in Crazy Minister's church during that service.

In Bush's day, you couldn't even wear a freakin' t-shirt that said BUSH SUCKS or IRAQ: GTFO or DEAR GOD, IF YOU WERE TO TAKE GEORGE W. BUSH, LIKE, TOMORROW I WOULD NOT EVEN CRY, SRSLY, or large goons would come and make your ass vanish in the dead of night and next thing anyone knows, you're calling collect from, like, Belgrade or some shit. But Obama's the evil one?

OH RIGHT HE'S BLACK, NEVER MIND.

Morons.


ETA: Forgot to say, ganked from [livejournal.com profile] wendymr.
 
elbales: (ROFL seal)
AHAHAHAHAHA

THIS IS THE BEST NEWSCLIP I'VE SEEN ALL YEAR


At a Barney Frank town hall meeting in Dartmouth, MA, a constituent asks, "Why are you supporting this Nazi policy?" Frank responds: "On what planet do you spend most of your time?"




OH THE BURN.
 
elbales: (Fantastically stupid!Ten)
"I've been on food stamps and welfare. Did anybody help me out? No!" --Craig T. Nelson




Because of course welfare and food stamps are not help. Nope.
 
elbales: (Fantastically stupid!Ten)
But this takes it to a whole new level.

Fla. man blames cat paws for child porn downloads

Friday, August 7, 2009

Florida investigators say a man accused of downloading child pornography is blaming his cat. Keith Griffin of Jensen Beach is charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after detectives found more than 1,000 images on his home computer.

According to a sheriff's report Friday, Griffin told investigators that his cat jumped on the computer keyboard while he was downloading music. He said he had left the room and found "strange things" on his computer when he returned.

Griffin is being held on $250,000 bond in the Martin County jail. It is unclear if he has an attorney.


....

Well, if I were an attorney, I know I'd be less than thrilled at the prospect of defending someone this stupid. (I mean, yes, even stupid people deserve defense lawyers, but sweet baby cheeses.)
 
elbales: (ROFL seal)
Letters on Climate Bill Were Forged

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: July 31, 2009

A grass-roots lobbying firm has acknowledged forging letters opposed to the climate bill that were sent to a Virginia lawmaker.



....

I'm probably finding this way too funny. (I mean, okay, it's seriously bad, but still. What a pack of idiots.)
 
elbales: (Can't be serious!Rimmer)
Pilots' low pay, long commutes probed in air crash

By JOAN LOWY, Associated Press Writer
Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The co-pilot in an airline crash that killed 50 people in upstate New York was paid a salary so low that she lived with her parents near Seattle and commuted across the country to her job, a combination of long travel and little money that a safety official called a "recipe for an accident."


The article is dismaying, but I didn't really get pissed off until I read this:

Daniel Morgan, Colgan's vice president for flight safety, said the airline industry has a long history of flight crews commuting long distances to report for work.

Morgan said it is appropriate that the airline sometimes schedule pilots to be on duty up to 16 hours at a stretch with a maximum of eight hours of flight time.

"It's not an ideal way to work, but neither is working overnight in the post office," Morgan said.


Yeah? Well, you know, if some overtired post office clerk routes my mail to Peoria, nobody dies, MORON.

JESUS.
 
elbales: (Bitch PLZ!Romana)
ESL Teacher Fired -- Holy S***

An ESL teacher from San Anselmo was dismissed after translating obscene language, according to the Marin Independent Journal. The saga all started when Tamalpais Adult School students asked Jack Liberman for a lesson on words that might not go over well after, say, missing a putt on the 15th green.

German student Brigitte Brockmann told the Journal:

Whenever I am playing golf, if I make a bad shot I always would yell 'sh--!'" Jack had to tell me that I can't say 'sh--,' that I have to say 'shoot' instead.


And for this they fired him? Jesus. I've taught a lesson like that myself. Shame on TAS for not backing their teacher.
 
elbales: (ROFL seal)
Dolph Lundgren's wife tied up by robbers... realize who hubby is, and leave.

Armed robbers fled after discovering the home they had broken into belonged to 'tough guy' actor Dolph Lundgren. The masked raiders tied up the star's wife and terrorised her into handing over cash and jewellery by threatening her with knives. But they cut short their raid on the house near Marbella, Spain, after spotting a family photo of the action star and his children in one of the bedrooms.


Their reaction will never not be funny. I mean, not the break-in itself, because I do feel sorry for the poor woman, truly. I'd have been terrified, and I'd have nightmares for weeks. No, the funny part is the robbers going OH SHIT IT'S IVAN DRAGO HE MUST BREAK US GET IN THE CAR.

Winner of the Best Comment So Far Award: "brb putting pix of dolph in my house."

please don't think i'm totally heartless
 
elbales: (Fantastically stupid!Ten)
From KQED's ClimateWatch blog

Congressman: Delta Fish a "Worthless Little Worm"

April 24, 2009 · Posted By Craig Miller

In hearings by the House Energy & Commerce Subcommitee today, Rep. George Radanovich (R-Fresno) called the Delta smelt "a worthless little worm that needs to go the way of the dinosaur." He made the remark as part of a five-minute attack on "environmental alarmism," in response to testimony from former vice-president Al Gore, founder of the Alliance for Climate Protection.


The only worthless little worm I see in this story is you, Mr. Radanovich. Or, as the kids say these days, Bitch, please.
 

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