...And then they woke up. OMG PATENT INFRINGEMENT PWNED.

[elbales]

WTF. WTF?!

Some tool has published a patent application for a fictional storyline.

Let me say that again.

He wants to patent. A fictional. Storyline.

And the fucking USPTO fucking published it. Who the fuck runs that place? Three stumps, a chimp, and a rock?

An excerpt:

[0013] There is currently little motivation for artistic inventors to innovate new plots, themes, and methods of expression. The value of an innovator's copyright, if he in fact embodies his invention in a particular expression (such as a novel or movie) is far less than the value of the invention itself, because the invention umbrellas every possible embodiment. Further, and perhaps more importantly, the value of his copyright depends on his ability as a performer, not as an inventor. An artistic inventor who invents a fantastically original and compelling plot may not be a particularly skilled writer. He may, for example, have a very limited vocabulary and a poor understanding of grammar. Any book he creates will be avoided by any potential buyer who reads the first paragraph, such that the copyright value of his extremely valuable invention is nil. Any Hollywood producer who sees through the book's garbled sentence structure to the excellent and creative plot beneath the surface may steal the only value the book contained: its inventive plot. The producer may then moderately alter the expression of the plot in a subsequent movie--while keeping the plot's essence fully intact--and obtain unearned financial benefit from the inventor's unrewarded hard work and innovation. If there is any evil that the United States patent system ought to prevent, it is this.

Translation: You stole my storyline but you did it better and I'm jealous so I'm going to completely fuck over all other writers and prevent them from ever making any money again. Ever. Ever ever.

KILLLLL MEEEEEEEEEE.

At least I can live in hope that the first time he tries enforcing this farce on a major conglomerate, they take his ass to court and smack his fucktard self around with the enormous Tome of Prior Art.

Tool.

ETA: I didn't realize that USPTO has to publish any and all applications. So this hasn't been approved. And, come on. Do any of us actually think it will be? Small favors.

Still, the idea that this guy would think he can get away with this...

OTOH, if it gets approved, I'm-a shellac me some patent clerk. (No, just kidding. But MPAA will! Hee.)

ETA 2: After more thought, I'm not so sure the MPAA won't just love this. They like owning things, don't they?

But they'll still go after Mr. Patent Attorney Dude, I'm guessing, if he tries to get money out of them.

Comments

[dizzyditz.livejournal.com]

That is revolting. What is wrong with people. If they had allowed this historically, we wouldn't have Shakespeare, we wouldn't have Homer, good lord....

[elbales]

I mean, my god, how hard is it to get a ghost writer?! Get a ghost writer, make good money off your fantastically original and compelling plot (oh please), quitcherbitchen.

They shouldn't let some people have keys to the internet, I tell you what.

[elbales]

Oh wait, sorry. I mean keys to the patent application process.

[emidala.livejournal.com]

is this fucking real?!?!?!?!?

[elbales]

Yes, it's real.

Apparently the USPTO is required to publish any and all applications that cross their desks.

When I told Hardi about this, he opined that it was going to get rejected. I certainly hope so.

[milestonano.livejournal.com]

*throws it on the pile of reasons he's about to say fuck American publishing and start concentrating his efforts across the pond*

And I've even had moderate small-time success here. Just not sure I even want a part of that next step in this country.

[elbales]

Some people say Cory Doctorow's way will work best in the age of digital copying... You know: put it up online, offer a print version, and tell everyone, "Give me money, hosers, or I'll have to get a day job and I won't be able to write any more. Come on. Only asshats bogart life." (To quote Coyote's Ten Commandments.)

We'll see. People do actually pay him to write--magazine articles and the like. He is making money off his novels; don't know how much. Not sure how it would work for people who want to write only fiction.

[rurounitriv.livejournal.com]

*blink blink*

...but, it can't be accepted. First of all, intellectual properties are supposed to be copyrighted, not patented, IIRC.

Second, it has to be original and innovative, which just doesn't happen. They're all just variations on a few themes. There's no bloody way that they could have come up with something innovative enough that anyone who pleased can't point at a zillion other things they could have taken their inspiration from if challenged - and in the process prove that the patentor's claim of innovation was false.

And third: MPAA will eat this guy alive if this thing doesn't get laughed out of court. It's socioeconomic Darwin Award time.

[elbales]

Correct.

Correct.

It's socioeconomic Darwin Award time.

Yeah, baby!

I think someone from USPTO will look at it and say, "Uh, nice try, but no cigar. No, wait, LAME try. DEnied."

[rurounitriv.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

[akk]

that's sick.
on the other hand...
...what will they do with really innovative scientific articles???
*shudder*

a fake! Chinese swearing goes "may you live in interesting times..."
but it has to be updated, because we're going "to live in patented, copyrighted times" if some [insert proper expletive here] gets his/her way.

*double-shudder*

[dmcdraws.livejournal.com]

You can't stop the signal.